Monday, March 18, 2013
Monday, August 15, 2011
"Where have you been all this time?", "Where have you gone, Jenn?!". I would see e-mails of this subject, daily, hourly, piling up in my "Veganize This!" inbox. Although the email account had already been hacked, password changed, I could still see the opening line of the letter, as well as the subject. Always sighing to myself, as I foraged around Los Angeles in a rent-a-truck from Enterprise for a place to sleep (I'd already given up on eating. I didn't feel hunger anyways), or a place to safely park. The back-seat of the gigantic truck, which was in my possession as the result of a drunk driver slamming into my car, cock-blocking me from attempting to have safe sex with my drunk girlfriend by kindly pulling aside and putting my hazards on, was filled with what I thought to be important possessions. Computers, hard drives, clothes, etc. All of these things are now lost, stolen, sold on Craigslist, or meaningless of me in terms of value. I've learned to live life to the fullest by being stripped of everything, including my identity. Not by 1, not by 2, but at least 10 people over the course of a year.
Why haven't you seen a recipe post? Well, what fun would my recipes be if this blog was retitled "What Can Jenn Veganize From The Dollar Store With $6.50 and A Camp Burner". I didn't have a usable kitchen for almost 3-4 months, I was homeless for about 6-8 of those weeks. My 26th birthday fell between those weeks of homelessness, 4 of those weeks I had a cast on my right arm due to a "domestic dispute". I have had no money all of this time. I occasionally receive a Western Union transfer from my mother for 1 or 2 hundred if I'm lucky. But my parents accounts were hit as severely as mine, credit lines maxed out, new ones opened in their name and maxed out as well.
I was locked out of my own apartment, locks changed on both the door and mailbox. When I did get back inside due to a little good acting, I was usually bid farewell with a violent physical attack as I tried to obtain evidence (aka my personal belongings or items bought using my or my mother's Social Security Numbers). Eventually, they were evicted. Some things, I got back. Some things, I didn't. Some things, I was able to trace on the hard drive of the person who means the most to me in the world as "Sold Online" just based on a photo I'd found that I knew was only used for the purpose of a sales ad. I'm not an idiot. Don't try to get one past me. I've watched your every move, and the moves of others. Do I blame you? No. We were all trying to survive what was, and still is, a very tenuous time. The love we have for each other changes shape. We truly, finally understand each other completely. And that's why we have to be apart. That's why your desires for physical love manifests itself as an outlet, not an inlet. If you were to be plugged in right now, the energy would be too much for you.
Some women, I find, really get off on it, though. Even with the cast on my arm, which ruined my knife handling abilities, but not my ability to make a woman come faster than a flying Zebra, I could have a girl on top of a kitchen sink within 20 minutes of meeting her, orgasming without hesitation…my 21 year old girl-friend watching from outside. We were a polyamorous couple, after all. I had to break up with her. I didn't want to, but her safety was at steak. "They" kept finding me. Her reputation was still untarnished. When my little sister was hit, I knew it was time to say goodbye. She'd think I was an asshole, think I took her things and advantage of her. What I did was do her a favor. I can no longer be "Jenn Shagrin"…because she cannot have a bank account, line of credit, home loan or anything of that nature. She has "fucked up" too much, in the eyes of the government. When the creditors call me, somehow always obtaining my new number even though I've had to change it 4-5 times over the course of the past few months, they ask me questions I cannot answer. They ask me for payments on accounts that I'm either not responsible for opening, or lost control of long ago. Accounts I was working on paying down from being a stupid teenager with a credit card, maxed out again.
I eventually just gave up on trying to handle all the fraud myself.
I have a credit attorney and a criminal attorney, neither of which can handle the volume either. They think I'm making all of this up, because it's too much to compute. They don't understand how someone of stature and punk-rock look could be a victim. I must be part of the crime.
I have done no crime except trust and give people too much of my soul. And no, my soul wasn't FTC insured. I promise you, along with my heart, it's now guarded with steel. Does that mean I haven't faltered and fallen for a set of pretty eyes and nice tits? No. It does mean that my sense of intuition is heightened beyond that of most, and I can make decisions faster than a lightning bolt as to who is trustworthy and who isn't.
I await the day I can have a bank account again. I miss the luxury of buying things because I want them, or mainly, because my lover wants them. I want to travel, and I have all the freedom in the world right now because I finally, truly, don't give a fuck. Homeless and broke as fuck, you could steal my name and numbers, but not my wit and charm, nor my creativity. They'll just be assigned a different name and set of numbers, not the one carefully given to me by my parents before my birth. Sure, you can still call me Jenn. I wouldn't want anything else. I don't want anyone to know the "new name and numbers". Ever.
I will say this with a firmness, though: Yes, I intend to complete my second book, which was 2/3rds done back in February. Yes, they did sell my computer on craigslist. Did they know I had an online cloud computing back-up membership? No. Thankfully, I was able to recover all my recipe files and photos of completed ones. Will I potentially lose all those files soon because I don't have any credit cards, nor do my parents, to pay the $50 annual membership fee? Maybe. I never know what they next day brings. I do have a safe place to live now…I think. Yes, she is still by my side…at a small distance. No, her heart is not mine. It is others as well. Nor is mine hers. It's investments are diversified, always. Could it be reversed at the flick of a switch? Or course. She is, and always has been, my best friend and partner in crime. Only this time, it got out of hand.
I harbor no anger or resentment. All we do is sigh, look at each other, and smile…understanding exactly why we did what we did to each other. Understand this sick, twisted love that no one else can, only can they criticize. Sure, maybe we did too many drugs and had a little too much fun for a while, but why touch base with reality with I knew this is what would be found: my reality didn't exist anymore.
I'll be back soon. I promise.
I highly doubt many people have cried another sleepless night because they can't put a post on their goddamn blog. Don't want to let another fan slip away because they can't respond to their emails, or their lack of investment in their most intimate form of contact with their existence: A weekly update on a website. I will eat and sleep again when I know ALL of my family is safe, and so am I. This may take a while, but I've been sleeping more nights lately than ever. We've made a pact to work together, put new rings on each-others fingers, and move forward.
Funny thing is, no one notices this ring like they did the engagement. Nor do they ask "how they hell did you afford this?!". Well, like I said, she's always been my partner in crime…
As always, still publicly findable at jennshaggy [at] gmail . com...unless hacked again or otherwise.
Posted by Jenn Shagrin at 11:45 AM
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Dear VIDCI Readers...
Hi. I'm so sorry I have neglected my blog over the past few weeks.
So, what happened, exactly? Well, shit is going down. A lot of shit. Were Jane and I too trusting, too giving of ourselves, our home and our money? Yes. Were we taken advantage of? Yes. I won't go into too many personal details. I won't name names. But I will say this:
Whoever you are, please leave my bank accounts, credit cards and family alone. I know you think you're funny by sending my mother several subscriptions to magazines through her Discover card and sending my wife baby magazines, but save the planet. I know you're aware that all my accounts are on lockdown, but that's not an excuse to break into our home while we're sleeping and steal the little cash we have left. We don't want you to give us anything back, but please, just leave us alone.
Again, readers, sorry I've been MIA. This bitch will definitely be back in the kitchen soon. Right now, it's about survival of the fittest. So I'm doing my pull-ups and preparing to kick some ass...figuratively, of course. My oven stands ready to be fired up. I have a stack of recipes raring to go. And patients on my part is definitely a virtue.
Oh, and one last piece of advice to the hackers/burglars/all around A HOLES...
Never, never, mess with a Jew and her money. Remember what they say on South Park: I have a little bag of Jew Gold around my neck, so you'll have to pin me down and pry it from my hands. Go on, I dare you. Jane and I will not be taken down.
Posted by Jenn Shagrin at 10:33 AM
Friday, February 18, 2011
Homemade Flatbreads with Vegan Mascarpone, San Marzano Port Wine Pizza Sauce, Chanterelles and Edible Flowers
I've got a bone to pick with a certain American media gossip hound, but before I start my kvetching, I'll talk a little about all of the lovely goodness that is happening in Jane and my world right now.
Homemade Flatbreads with Vegan Mascarpone,
San Marzano Port Wine Pizza Sauce, Chanterelles and Edible Flowers
For the Flatbread Dough:
1 cup warm water
1 package active dry yeast
2 1/2 to 3 cups all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 teaspoon salt
Combine the water, yeast, and 1 1/2 cups of the flour in a large bowl. Mix well. Add the oil, salt, and remaining flour. With large wooden spoon or your hands mix the ingredients together until the dough holds its shape. You may need a bit less flour, so add the last half gradually.
Place the dough on a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 5 minutes. If the dough becomes sticky, sprinkle a bit more flour over it.
Transfer the dough to a lightly oiled 2-quart bowl. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap or a kitchen towel, and let the dough rest until it has doubled in size, about 1 hour.
When the dough has risen, place it on a lightly floured surface, divide it into two or more parts and roll them into balls. Cover them with a towel and let rest for 15 minutes. The dough is ready to be shaped, topped and cooked.
Pre-heat your oven to 425 degrees F. Once all your toppings are prepared, lightly grease a pan with olive oil, stretch out the dough into a long, rectangular shape, top with toppings, then bake 10-15 minutes until the crust is brown underneath.
San Marzano Port Wine Pizza Sauce
2 T. Olive Oil
½ t. Salt
¼ t. Black Pepper
¼ t. Red Pepper Flakes
1 t. Fennel Seeds
1 T. Chopped Fresh Garlic
2 t. Chopped Fresh Basil
1 t. Chopped Fresh Oregano
1 t Fresh Mint, chopped
1 28 oz can Whole San Marzano Tomatoes
1 T. Port Wine
1 t. Sugar
Heat olive oil in a medium saucepan over high heat. Add garlic, cooking for 30 seconds. Add herbs, seeds, and all seasonings. Cook for an additional 30 seconds. Add tomatoes, wine, and sugar. Crush tomatoes w/ potato masher, then bring mixture to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, stirring occasionally until thickened (1 hr 15 min). Remove from heat, let cool.
1 12oz Package Silken Soft Tofu
1/8 cup MimicCreme (or Alternative)
1/2 tsp Sugar
Combine all of the ingredients well until a slightly lumpy paste is formed. Keep stored in the refrigerator until ready to use. Keeps in the fridge for up to 1 week.
For the rest of the Flatbread…
1/2 - 1 lb Chanterelle Mushrooms (depending on how many flatbreads you're making…Criminis can also be substituted for cheap-asses like me), sliced
1 package of Edible Flours
Make the dough, stretch it out on a pan, and top with all toppings as indicated in the dough recipe. Bake as indicated in the dough recipe, and enjoy!
Posted by Jenn Shagrin at 10:41 AM
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Signing copies of My Book...
Be there of be square, suckas...
Posted by Jenn Shagrin at 5:47 PM
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Baby Spinach, Chicken and Golden Grape Tomato Salad with Brazil Nut, Black Garlic, and Dill Dressing
In other news, I have been getting tattooed like a monster lately. I started with paw prints to match the ones Jane already has in the same place...
Then I went crazy and let Roger Saliner just do my whole damn arm. Now I am one sexy biotch. We'll see how this looks when I'm 80. Teehee.
Baby Spinach, Chicken and Golden Grape Tomato Salad with
Brazil Nut, Black Garlic, and Dill Dressing
For the Dressing...
- 2 TBSP Olive Oil
- 2 TBSP Brazil Nut Oil
- 1 TBSP French White Wine Vinegar
- 2 TBSP Fresh Dill, finely chopped
- 1 clove Garlic, minced
- 4 cloves Black Garlic, minced
For the Salad...
- 1/2 lb Baby Spinach Leaves
- 1/2 lb Golden Grape Tomatoes, halved
- 1 bunch of Scallions, chopped
- Salt and Freshly Cracked Black Pepper, to taste
- 1 TBSP Olive Oil
- 1/2 batch Chicken Style Seitan, cut into 2 inch long strips (recipe follows)
First, make the dressing. Place all of the dressing ingredients in a small bowl, then whisk vigorously to combine. Set aside.
Place the spinach leaves, tomatoes and scallion in a large mixing bowl, then sprinkle with salt and pepper. Toss well to combine.
Heat the tablespoon of olive oil in a large skillet over high heat, then cook the "chicken" pieces for a few minutes on each side until golden brown.
Place the "chicken" pieces atop the salad, the give the dressing another good whisking. Drizzle the dressing over the salad, then toss and serve immediately.
Vegan "Chicken" Style Seitan
Makes 1 batch
“Chicken” Seitan Dough:
- 1 cup Vital Wheat Gluten
- 1 scant cup Water mixed with 1 tsp Better Than Bouillon® No Chicken Broth Paste
- 1 1/2 TBSP MimicCreme
“Chicken” Seitan Broth:
- 8 cups Water mixed with 9 tsp Better Than Bouillon® No Chicken Broth Paste
- 1 cup MimicCreme
- 7 Whole White Button Mushrooms
- 1 tsp Shallot Powder
- 1/2 tsp Onion Powder
- 1 tsp Roasted Garlic Powder
- 2 Bay Leaves
- Pinch of Celery Seeds
First, take all of the Seitan Broth ingredients, and mix them together in a very large pot. Bring to a boil.
While the broth’s starting to heat up, make your Seitan Dough by mixing and kneading the vital wheat gluten, water/bouillon blend, and MimicCreme until it’s completely mixed. It will be a little more wet than most seitan doughs. Squeeze out the excess liquid, and form the mixture into a ball. On a cutting board, flatten the ball out, and use a sharp knife or kitchen shears to cut into six pie wedge “Chicken Breast” shaped pieces. Before putting in boiling broth, flatten each part down by pressing it firmly between your hands, then drop each part into the pot.
Cover the pot, reduce heat to simmer, and let the seitan cook for about an hour, stirring every 10-15 minutes.
Don’t throw out the broth! Use a slotted spoon to remove each “Chicken Breast,” and place into a colander to drain. Let both the “Chicken Breasts” and the broth cool. Allow the “Chicken Breasts” to marinate in the broth until ready to use, if time allows you. Drain again before using.
Posted by Jenn Shagrin at 6:31 AM
Monday, January 10, 2011
Life is so much happy fun-ness right now. I'm surrounded by such good company all of the time, and MY BOOK HAS BEEN RELEASED ON AMAZON!!!! I'm happier than an fat kid in a candy store. It makes me wish someone would talk nerdy to me…but wait…I do that to myself…
[yes I talk to myself]
So so so much goodness has been going on in my and our (Jane, my wife, and I's) lives. If you missed the post over on my other blog, her book made Media Bistro's top eBooks of 2010 (she's credited as Laura Lueck...very close to the top of the list! Her hardcopy books are under her current name, Jane Lueck). You can also buy hardcopy's of her books HERE and HERE on Amazon. They're both great reads.
As for this weeks recipe, we have a bit of thai and italian fusion going on here. I know the recipe l
ooks a little crazy, but it tastes soooooo damn delicious. Special shout out to budding culinary artist Jordan Langlinais for sous cheffing for me this week. The recipe post inculdes some shots of us in action.
Enjoy your week!
Oh, and if you don't go buy my book right now, my little sis is waiting for ya!
Miso and Sweet Chili Linguini and Shrimp Infused with Saffron Olive Oil
For the Linguini and Shrimp
- 2 garlic cloves, minced
- Juice and Zest of one Lemon
- 2 tablespoons Saffron Olive Oil (recipe follows)
- 1 package frozen Vegetarian Plus Vegan Shrimp with Sweet Chili Sauce, thawed
- 1 12 oz package Linguini Noodles
- 4 quarts Water
- 2 teaspoons Salt
- Additional 2 tablespoons of Saffron Olive Oil
- 2 tablespoons Vegan Margarine
- 1 large Onion, slice lengthwise
- Additional 4 cloves of garlic, minced
- 1/4 cup Mellow White Miso Paste
- The package of Sweet Chili Sauce from the package of frozen Vegan Shrimp (about 1/4 cup)
- 1/4 cup No Chicken Broth
- 1/2 teaspoon Freshly Cracked Black Peppper
- 1/2 cup chopped fresh Basil
- 2 tablespoons minced Basil, for garnish
- 4 Lemon Twists, for garnish
For the Saffron Olive Oil
- 1 tsp loosely packed toasted Saffron Threads
- 1/2 cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil
- 1 tsp Kosher Salt
Place the saffron threads in a spice grinder or coffee grinder and turn into a powder.
In a small bowl, combine the olive oil and salt. Add in the powdered saffron, then whisk to mix completely. Transfer the oil to a small container, and allow it to sit for at least 1/2 hour.
Keeps covered in the refrigerator for up to 1 week.
Take a large zip lock bag, and place the first 2 cloves of garlic, lemon juice and zest, and the first two tablespoons of saffron olive oil inside of it. Add in the thawed vegan shrimp, then seal the bag and rub the marinade into the vegan shrimp. Allow the vegan shrimp to marinate in the bag for 30 minutes.
Heat a skillet over high heat, then quick fry the shrimp until slightly charred on the outside, about 10-12 minutes.
In a large pot, combine the water and salt. Bring the pot of salted water to a rolling boil over high heat, then slowly add the linguini and return to a boil. Boil until just al Dente, about 10-12 minutes. Drain well.
In a large saute pan, melt the vegan margarine with the rest of the saffron olive oil over medium heat. Add the onion, and saute until translucent. Add in the remaining 4 cloves of garlic, miso paste, packet of sweet chili sauce and no chicken broth. Slowly bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for about 10 minutes.
Increase the heat to medium. Add in the vegan shrimp and 1/2 cup of chopped basil, and simmer about 2-3 minutes until the vegan shrimp are heated through. Remove from heat.
To serve, place about a quarter of the linguini on a plate. Top with 1/4 of the vegan shrimp and sauce, then garnish with the minced basil and a lemon twist.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
So go buy it, little fockers ;)
Posted by Jenn Shagrin at 10:00 AM
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
What?! A repost? Jenn's getting that lazy?! No, silly panda. I just happen to make this every Thanksgiving as it's always a hit. And it's a bit of a spoiler for my soon to be released cookbook, so why the hell not. Plus, my life has been crazier than usual in a major way lately, so I give myself full license.
Well, where to begin describing the blissful chaos that is my present life. For starters, I'm back in the Gayborhood! I'm beyond excited to once again be a resident of the city of West Hollywood. I mean, what the hell was I going to do with all my rainbow spandex in the damn Valley? On the downside, it meant I once again had to disassemble my kitchen and place recipe testing on hold, but let me tell you two orgasmic reasons that made the process entirely worth it:
A) My new kitchen has a bitchin' professional oven.
B) I have a KITCHEN ISLAND!
Now, don't be mistaken. I am not rich enough to afford an apartment with an island of granite already built in. No, no. Mine is of the Target.com, assemble-yourself-with-great frustration variety. But it's an island, nonetheless. And it's all mine. On wheels. So there.
What's also been keeping my blogging at bay has been the insane amount of traveling I've been doing over the past month in between and around the moving of apartments. We went to San Francisco twice, one visit spent dramatically more sober than the other. As I write this post, I lie in one of most amazing, dingy motels Portland, Oregon has to offer. We're having an amazing time so far. I've been to Food Fight!, Hungry Tiger Too, (thanks, SugarHighVegan for taking us there and Quarrygirl for the referral), Vita Cafe (faux turkey benedict-gasm), and tonight I'm off to Portobello. I can't wait to try a level of vegan cuisine that rivals my own. Hopefully I won't be such a baby and leave crying because they show me up.
Of course, there's been quite a bit of crazy (good) in my personal life, too, but I'll save that story for a rainy day.
Three recipes on the slate for next week. Expect a slew of posts before the end of the year, kids.
* 1 1/2 lbs Ready To Go Fresh Green Beans (recipe follows)
* 1 cup Vegan French Friend Onions
* 6 TBSP Vegan Margarine
* 6 TBSP Flour
* 1/2 tsp Salt
* Fresh Cracked Pepper, to taste
* 1 1/4 cup Imagine Foods Creamy Portobello Soup
* 1/4 cup MimicCreme
* 1/2 TBSP White Miso Paste
* 2 1/2 TBSP Corn Starch mixed with 3 TBSP Cold Water
* 1/4 cup Shallot, diced
* 1/2 bulb Fresh Fennel, diced
* 1 cup Crimini Mushrooms, chopped
* 2 TBSP Vegetable or Canola Oil
* 2 tsp Fresh Garlic, minced
* 1/2 tsp each of Dried Sage, Marjoram and Thyme
To Prepare The Green Beans:
First, make sure your beans are trimmed and ready to go. Place 3 quarts of water in a large sauce pot, and bring to a boil.
Get a large bowl with ice water ready. Keep it in the freezer so it stays chilled. Add 1 1/2 TBSP Kosher salt and the green beans to the boiling water. Cover and cook for about 6 minutes or until crisp-tender and still bright green. Keep an eye on the beans just in case they start to brown before the 6 minutes is up.
Drain beans in a colander, then plunge into the ice water. Drain well, then place a double layer of paper towels in single layer to dry, and top with a double layer of towels.
Heat vegetable oil in a large skillet over medium high heat. Sauté garlic and shallots for 30 seconds, then add fennel, mushrooms, herbs and spices. Sauté until slightly softened. Remove the pan from heat, and set aside.
Using a whisk, in a very large sauce pan, melt the Earth Balance over medium-high heat. And flour, 1/2 tsp of salt and pepper, and whisk together. Add the miso paste, and blend in well. Pour Creamy Mushroom Soup and MimicCreme in gradually while constantly stirring. Continue stirring until the mixture begins to boil and thickens.
Add the green beans to the rest of the sautéed vegetables and about half of your French fried onions to the sauce pan, and stir well.
Pour that mixture into a casserole dish or pan and top with remaining French fried onions. Bake in oven at about 350 degrees for 10-15 minutes, until the onions begin to brown. Remove. Eat. Let it cool if you're more patient than I am. Enjoy.
Posted by Jenn Shagrin at 8:49 PM